History

The uneducated masses are always asking me questions about The Institute of Animal Haberdashery and General Fanciness. As I assume most of them are either illiterate, or just too damn lazy to pick up a book, I have begun to put together a potted history of the Institute.

The birth of The Institute of Animal Haberdashery and General Fanciness occured when my Great Grandfather, Polonius H. Probiscus the Fourteenth,  came across a book of fashions from the 1800’s while stealing stores of fruit from the local village. To Polonius, who had always felt rather naked, fashion was a revelation of biblical proportions.

He brought the book home to his rather crass and cranky wife Beulah who snarled in his face. After much coaxing, teeth-baring and flashing of his nether regions, Beulah agreed to help him construct some outfits. They wove a special coarse muslin-like fabric from butterfly wings and banana peels, and stitched their creations together using porcupine quills and crab grass.

Puttin on the Ritz, and paying the price

They debuted their outfits at a local jungle-council meeting (pictured above) where the night’s agenda was postponed to allow enough time for derision, disdain and disparagement. No mind! Polonius was not discouraged. As the crowd guffawed he made up his mind, he would dedicate his life to teaching his peers to respect and revere fashion… the Institute was born!
Of course, two fashionistas an Institute does not make. Polonius 14 and Beulah assembled a troop of trendies from their jungle home, outfitted each of them in splendid finery and elected them to the board.

Founding Members of The Institute of Animal Haberdashery

Pretty soon, the jungle was the epi-centre of global fanciness and tourism went through the roof. Of course, everyone knows that tourists turn the style meter down more than a few notches, what with their bum-bags and detachable pant legs. So in 1930 Polonius H. Probiscus the 14th spearheaded a movement to have his jungle struck from maps of the world, in order to preserve its fancy heritage.

I am currently digging through a pile of old photos (and making an ice-cream sandwich on black rye). Will be back soon!